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Unravelling the curious case of @karangoesdancing

“A story doesn’t have to appeal to the heart. It can also appeal to the spine.

And with two magic words…ay, no pressure.“

That’s a handsome guy, extra hand notwithstanding. I clicked this on Sunday, 27^th Feb 2022 on my way to Wadi Abadilah, Fujairah, with a vibrant and diverse crew.

Time flies when you’re having fun, and it’s been a whirlwind week.

We’re into another weekend as I type this on Saturday, 5^th March 2022, and I must get these words out now before life’s duties and responsibilities get in the way of my writing.

I’ve been itching to blog for months, but never seemed to find the words, or make the time.

But as any great writer knows, you must show up, even if your muse doesn’t.

The process must be trusted. The inspiration will flow. The words will come. The story will be told.

I’m in a good place in my life. I’m happy. But not content. There is much work to be done before I will be.

And once I get to that stage, I will set more goals, and work relentlessly towards achieving them.

If only I had this drive and determination a couple of years ago, I wonder where I’d be today.

That said; I don’t dwell on the past. I only learn from it. A wise man reviews history, analyses what they could have improved, and armed with that knowledge, boldly creates their future.

Which is why, in this two-part blog, I want to tell the story of the most creatively fulfilling year of my life (2018 – 2019) as an electronic dance music vlogger, and t-shirt blogger.

With the exception of a Twitter I barely use; I don’t have social media anymore. Although I use LinkedIn, I’m not lumping it along with the big three – Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter – because it is a different and necessary beast.

(I also loathe how it has aped Facebook’s UI, but that’s beside the point.)

Depending on who you ask, not being on social media may either be considered a cardinal sin or completely normal. What is worth examining, however, is your relationship with, and what you gain from it.

What follows is the unabridged tale of when I was building something greater than myself.

For the 1.5-minute-long version, watch my vlog.

If you like what you see, I would appreciate it if you subscribed to my channel.

Please let me know if you do so I can thank you.

I’ve only just started exploring YouTube and am excited by the myriad of creative opportunities it offers.

Life, in technicolour squares.

Having the time of my life at Mr. Scruff’s Boiler Room. Shot August 2018, Dekmantel Festival, Amsterdamse Bos, Amsterdam.

I can truthfully say I was using social media (esp. Instagram) as a means to an end – to gain employment. Which is not wrong. My heart was in the right place, but I lacked focus.

With the wisdom of hindsight, I can restart my second digital project (@teesonthestreets) this year, so long as I stay true to the core idea.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Let’s get into the story of my first digital identity @karangoesdancing…

Let’s go dancing. I wanna go dancing with you, all night dancing.

My end goal was to secure a job covering underground electronic dance music across Europe. Either as a journalist, presenter, vlogger, or DJ. Although I already held a day job as an advertising copywriter, I had become disillusioned with the gig 3 years in. The reasons for my disillusionment? Several, but chief amongst them was that I didn’t see the point to my work, because I felt I wasn’t contributing anything of value to the world.

To reach my goal, I decided to hone my creative and social media skills through @karangoesdancing, where I would post Stories involving a mix of vlogs, photos, and blogs every day. All I did was change my existing handle (where I had some 300 followers) and start sharing content that was dance-music-focused.

Post with purpose, essentially.

I started experimenting with vlogs on Instagram in June 2018, making them for myself and noticed that people enjoyed watching. Note; I wasn’t strictly talking about music back then.

I merely went about my day, documented it, and had fun doing so.

After losing my job in advertising (mostly due to managerial changes, in part because my love for it had waned, and it showed) in September 2018, I decided to – with unconditional support from my parents – put all my eggs into the music vlogging basket.

My folks gave me a year to do as I deemed fit (known as a gap year in universities) and I was intrigued to see where this path would take me…

And this path certainly took me places! Some highlights:

1. Being asked to handle on-site social media creation for a boutique Burning Man-esque music festival called Magnetic Fields, held in a heritage 17th-century palace in Jaipur, India.

This photo is from 2017, my first time in these hallowed halls. 2018 – my second time at the festival – was the year I handled social media for them.
Magnetic Fields was my first proper music festival and it was there, under the stars – as I listened to Four Tet, spellbound – I decided to devote my life to music in some way.

2. I was invited to a panel discussion – organized by my favourite club, Analog Room – about preventing harassment on dancefloors. Related: read my blog which sparked this conversation across India, Europe, and the Middle East, which led to the invite.

Flanked by Pooja to my right, one of my best friends, and a measured techno artist. Shot January 2019, The Flip Side, Dubai.

3. Meeting, and befriending my favourite artists, some of whom shared nuggets of wisdom on leading a creative life. I also crossed paths with veterans from the music industry, who guided me on how to succeed in the business.

Hanging with Anastasia after her gig. She closed her set with a cheeky, and classic techno track. Shot October 2018, Analog Room, Dubai.

4. Winning 4 passes to Glitch Festival, and reuniting with rave-happy friends in gorgeous Malta, who came to party, no questions asked, in the summer of 2019.

Aleks, thank you for coming down to dance with me to Carl Cox. You’re a legend. **And a half**. I trust you’re killing the wildlife…photography, but of course! Fingers crossed your shots make it to National Geographic one day.
(PS – Yes, I know, that’s Peggy Gou on stage. This is our best photo from the festival.)
Shot August 2019, Glitch Festival, Malta.

Amy and Martina, I trust you guys are well and have accepted your new lives as overnight Boiler Room sensations. I still crack up about our reunion at 25:40 minutes into that solid set. Shot August 2019, Glitch Festival, Malta.

5. And last, but not least, connecting with people across the world through music.

I look back in gratitude at these magnificent experiences. And cannot believe what an extraordinary year that was.

…but I’d like to direct your attention as to why I started doing this in the first place.

I wanted to make a career of this, remember? And when you commodify yourself with an identity like @karangoesdancing, there comes a pressure to keep up appearances, especially on social media, where everybody seems to be having the time of their lives.

So, I chose to share,

but selectively.

Cherry-pick and publish highlights.

Things appeared rosy and hunky-dory on camera. But, for better or worse, (better, in my opinion) life is not a party.

There are highs, and lows.

That’s just the way life goes.

Whilst things seemed great digitally,

my physical life was in tatters.

My parents weren’t happy with my still-fledgling career choice. Besides, I wasn’t making any money doing this.

To remedy that, I started freelance writing. I was excellent at my job, so made enough to get by, but working freelance requires extreme dedication, and self-discipline. None of which I had at that time; I’ll admit. My food and living expenses (not to mention credit card bills) were also generously paid for by my loving parents.

I was doing what I loved but wasn’t working to a game plan. Whilst I had connected with key players in the music industry, I wasn’t sure how to leverage these connections into landing a job. And when I wasn’t creating content; I chose to party instead of work.

Common sense dictates you must have a mentor when you journey into the unknown. Especially in a field as hyper-competitive as music.

But what happens when you embark on

a journey by yourself, wanting nothing but to connect with and make people happy due to the naivete in your heart, yet also wanting to make it lucrative – thus going against your fundamental principles for doing something creative

– at the same time?

You overthink. And crash. And burn. Hard. And when you’re a self-professed hedonist, you turn to your vices. Which, for me, was unbridled pleasure.

Sexual gratification. I’d lose myself in lust for days at a time, but like a hamster running aimlessly on the hedonic treadmill, I’d return to my baseline level of happiness after reaching massive heights of ecstasy.

What’s worse is that I would repeat my mistakes, and like good old Pavlov’s dog himself, go through the same thought-stimulus-pleasure loop.

I don’t want to elucidate on this dark period, but of two things I am sure:

1. There is immense work to be done in the shadows, and on my Shadow, before I get to where I want to be. What’s encouraging is that the work began some time ago, and I’ve grown since.

2. Everything in nature is cyclical, and things are bound to improve. So long as we are conscious of our limitations, and make pushing past our comfort zones part of our daily routines.

Back to the story, then. Nobody knew what mental tug-of-war I was going through, yet I blissfully continued sharing Story after Story every day, creating ridiculous hype leading up to Glitch Festival – so when I was awarded 4 free festival passes, I was not surprised.

I’d organically grown my page from a paltry 300 something followers to a 1500-strong community in the span of 11 months.

The math worked out to about 110 new followers every month, which was decent, considering I wasn’t sharing any sponsored posts. I merely interacted with the global dance music community. I also viewed each person I connected with as a, well, person, and not a number.

Although I must say: this number included several bots. I’d be quick on the uptake to block them, but if memory serves me correctly, they would still count as part of your follower count. I do not remember.

People were following my journey every step of the way (the analytics didn’t lie) and were keen to hear my thoughts about this sonic festival on the sun-drenched shores of idyllic Malta.

And I was just as eager to tell that story, but couldn’t do so in good conscience upon my return from that significant trip because of a decision I had to make…

To do what is right, or what is difficult?

That is the question.

My year was up. I had to answer my parents – would I continue the music-vlogging shenanigans (and continue freelance writing on the side), or would I join the family acoustics business?

Frankly, I didn’t have to think long. I was done writing for brands. It was dull work, and I was not a self-starter. It was the same job I’d come to hate over the past few years, except this time I was on my own. No team to help.

I had to be the judge of my own work; which I’ll admit, has held me in good stead…

The music-vlogging was fun whilst it lasted. But I knew the party had to end at some point. Over the course of my vlogging efforts, I was offered one job in the music industry in Dubai, but I didn’t follow up when I should have.

So, I bit the bullet and joined my family business in September 2019. I decided to go off the grid by:

Deactivating both my Instagram accounts @karangoesdancing and @teesonthestreets;
Deactivating my Facebook;
Turning off WhatsApp notifications, and archiving a bunch of chats so I wouldn’t be disturbed;
And not responding to anyone, no matter what remaining platform (such as SoundCloud) they reached out to me from.

Many thought I had died, or worse. It was a selfish decision but had to be done. I had to give my all in this new field. On occasion, I felt the brunt of leaving people (including friends) in the dark, and it stung. But, I had to focus on the bigger picture. My goal was crystal-clear: I had to rise to the occasion of shouldering my family business.

I’d be lying if I said it was smooth sailing post my return from Malta. But, after a year and a half of impostor phenomenon, mistakes, stress, (coupled with the tempestuous time that was 2020 – hola, COVID-19!) I have somewhat found my feet in the esoteric (who am I kidding, this stuff isn’t as difficult as I thought it would be) field of acoustics.

Whilst I do not enjoy every part of my job, I feel satisfied from seeing a project through to completion. I also enjoy managing my team. But, this is no ordinary job, nor can I treat it as such.

This is my business. And I must treat it with the care and attention it deserves.

What I lack in technical know-how, I make up for with my interpersonal skills and resilient attitude: I get the job done, no matter what.

I’ve also belatedly realized that a career in advertising has given me three invaluable skills:

1. For one; I can communicate. Competently. Which already puts me head and shoulders above the masses in the construction industry. Where it seems like people cannot write a coherent email, or give a clear order to save their life…

2. Two; it has sharpened my thinking – the best creative is rooted in logic and insight. Which will no doubt play a vital role as I progress in my career, and deal with people from varying walks of life, and contrasting worldviews.

3. And three; I can sell. Effectively. I’ve recently begun taking an interest in our company’s social media page, and know that growing a business’ digital presence boils down to staying human, no matter how large you become, and utilizing the usual social media strategies – and some unusual ones, too…

I sometimes miss the halcyon days of vlogging about electronic music as @karangoesdancing. But, they’re just that – a time rooted in nostalgia.

It is okay to reminisce on occasion. Anything beyond does more harm than good.

I might return to that side of myself in the future but on a different platform.

Time will tell.

Electronic music is incredibly dear to me and has played a telling role during several moments in my life, shaping me into the man I am today.

Looking ahead, the story of my other digital side-project (@teesonthestreets) remains to be told, which deserves its own blog. Which I will publish. Soon.

If you’ve read this far, thank you. I appreciate it when people read my words, or listen to my story. If you got something from this blog, please get in touch, or leave a comment. I’d love to hear from you.

I missed this. So much. Blogging, that is. I would love it if you subscribed to my blog, but I want to make it worth your while. I want you to gain value from my words. I want you to feel something each time you receive my thoughts in your inbox. I want to write words that resonate with you.

That is what I’ve always wanted. Which is why I won’t ask you to subscribe again. At least not until I’ve built a habit of publishing on a regular basis, and consistently producing work that I am happy with.

The last time I published was in December 2018. The only reason for not publishing since then is because I was scared to write. But now, as I rediscover my creative capabilities, I know that writing is not as tricky as I made it out to be in my head.

After all, I was paid to write. And when people pay you to do something, you must be doing something right, even – and especially – if you don’t recognise it yourself.

No matter what creative activity I pursue, writing will be my first love. I find it deeply cathartic, and view it as a medium where I can allow myself to be vulnerable.

You cannot hide with words.

And if you know me even slightly, you would know I’m a guy who doesn’t mince his words, and wears his heart on his sleeve.

Which makes perfect sense. Because when I write, I write from the heart and look to connect not only with myself but you, dear reader.

I look forward to sharing more stories with you. Catch you in the next blog.

My new life’s goal: stomp out sexual harassment on the dancefloor

This is the second post in a two-part series where I write about club culture and the vicious problem of sexual harassment on dancefloors. You can read the first part here.

In 5 years of clubbing, my focus was strictly on dancing.

31st December 2015

I remember the first time I felt the booming kick-drums of a dark, Berghain-esque techno track thumping in my chest, here in Dubai.

Deian Markov had just dropped Ben Klock’s classic ‘Subzero’, at the region’s best (and my favourite local) electronic music festival – Groove on the Grass – to devastating effect. I began to stomp with joy, like a man possessed.

3rd August 2018

I can never forget Aretha Franklin’s passionate voice washing over and purifying me at Dekmantel Festival, where Ricardo Villalobos was in fine form. I was one reveller amongst many in an exotic crowd at the Amsterdamse Bos.

I raised my hands to the heavens and began to clap in ecstasy. Looking around, I noticed many were doing the same.

18th October 2018

I was pounding my fists wildly to the squelchy, bass-heavy, TR-909 influenced acid in Analog Room. In the thick of this madness, A Guy Called Gerald and I exchanged a look. He flashed a toothy smile; of course, he was toying with me!

I paused to catch my breath and sip my water, shaking my head in delight.

19th October 2018, 3:38 AM. I considered Gerald Simpson a legend, but he was a no-nonsense Mancunian just doing his job.

The only thing that mattered in all those moments was the music. I’d close my eyes and lose myself to a repetitive beat, feeling as free as a songbird. Having worked up a sweat on the dancefloor, I’d go home safe and sound. Anticipating the next glorious night.

One fateful night, my world was turned upside down. It’s when my utterly naive perspective of nightclubs changed. What follows is the blow-by-blow account of when my eyes were opened to the horrors that women have to face on dancefloors.

Bucharest, Romania.

The night began how it always does. By breaking bread.

21st August 2018, 9:16 PM. About to dig into some classic spaghetti bolognese cooked up by two cool dudes I met on my first night at The Midland Hostel. The birthday week I spent here will be one for the books.

My comrades for the night were taking far too long to leave the hostel – they wanted to get sufficiently drunk to save money at the club. Understandable. But as a rule of thumb, I always aim to reach the club early – I don’t drink, so it works nicely for me. This is because I want to catch the warm-up DJ in action.

After what seemed like ages, we headed out.

The night was still young. And we were looking to have fun. After all, we were celebrating my 25th year of life.

22nd August 2018, 12:55 AM. Admiring the city by night while my friends stopped to rest.

We arrived at Control Club, an establishment that promised quality house and techno. At the door, I bumped into a jovial Lebanese group. Turns out they were from Dubai too and taking advantage of the Eid break.

Great minds think alike, eh?

The hours passed by quick. Before we knew it, it was 3 AM. My friends were tired (alcohol no doubt playing a role) and decided to call it a night.

As for me? I wasn’t going anywhere! It was my quarter-century, and I was celebrating it the only way I knew best; by dancing the night away.

The club was divided into two rooms, with a bar in each. There was a third bar in the lounge outside, which doubled as a smoking area.

I was in the main room, where a local DJ was providing the beats to my birthday.

22nd August 2018, 3:24 AM. First time I saw someone DJ topless. A casual night in Bucharest, or so I thought…

I was looking for someone to talk to when I saw her. She seemed to be enjoying the music far too much, which was lovely. But what intrigued me was that she didn’t look Romanian.

“You’re not from here, are you?” I asked, with a massive smile and twinkle in my eye.

“I’m Scottish!” she beamed, as only someone from that magnificent country could.

“Who are you with?” I enquired, surprised to see a girl out on her own.

In response, she pulled a bespectacled, gangly dude towards her. I had earlier noticed him disinterestedly looking around the club.

My first thought was that he resembled Harry Potter.

So for the purposes of this story, I’ll call him Harry. His girlfriend: Kate.

“Nice to meet you, Harry and Kate. My name’s Karan. I’m from Dubai, and I’m so happy to be celebrating my 25th birthday in Bucharest!” I yelled, both to make myself heard over the music and out of sheer joy at finding some Scots.

“What are you doing all the way out here?” asked Kate, who seemed to be just as happy to meet me.

“What are you doing all the way out here?!” I playfully retorted.

With names exchanged, nothing more had to be said. I instantly felt a stronger connection to Kate, who was more exuberant than Harry. Her energy levels matched mine, and I loved it.

We danced away until, as these things usually go, the DJ played a track all three of us instantly recognised.

“Mate, this is my track! I fucking love this song!” I exclaimed to Kate.

Without thinking, I hoisted myself up on the table in front of the DJ. I told him it was my birthday and thanked him for playing this. He shook my hand and wished me happiness.

I began to dance freely. Out of the corner of my closed eyes, I noticed Kate recording me, and couldn’t care less. The entire room seemed to be buoyed by my excitement, and the energy levels noticeably increased.

Another guy wanted to share this marvellous moment. So he got up and stood beside me. I turned to him, half expecting a dance-off. Turns out, he was one of those types.

He had his phone’s selfie camera open. Nevermind that it couldn’t capture his face in the club’s lighting. He needed a Snapchat/Instagram video to show his ‘friends’ and justify coming to the club.

“Oh, you poor, poor man. Why don’t you just enjoy the moment?” I asked myself rhetorically.

After shooting his 10-second video, he immediately stepped down. Or was that because he spotted the bouncer?

It may have been a bit of both. The burly Eastern European told me to get down. I tried telling him it was my birthday. He couldn’t understand me, so I got down as fast as my legs would allow.

I couldn’t afford to get thrown out of the club, not tonight of all nights!

I got down and hugged Kate and Harry, feeling on top of the world.

“Is this what the vibe at Sub Club is like?” I asked excitedly, as adrenaline flowed through my body.

“You know Subby?!” Kate responded, eyes popping.

Sub Club is a crown jewel in Glasgow’s nightlife, an institution with a 30-year history.

“Of course I do! I’ve always wanted to dance there!” I shouted delightfully.

Amidst all this excitement, Harry offered to buy a round of drinks.

I politely declined, asking for a water instead.

So he went to the bar, while we stayed behind on the dance floor.

This is when Kate was sexually harassed for the first time. It would happen later again tonight.

Before we go further, I’d like you to watch this short clip to get a feel of the club.

Please watch it. It will help immerse you in this story.

Kate was dancing a few feet away from me. Taking a moment to rest, I looked around, sipping my water.

Which is when I saw him staring in my direction.

He was standing alone in the corner of the dancefloor.

What struck me first was his unsteady posture. Then, his blank eyes. I could tell his head wasn’t in the right place.

I continued to observe. He didn’t seem to notice me.

I looked back at Kate. I turned to him.

“You can look as long as you don’t touch.” I thought, feeling protective towards Kate.

He kept staring. Until something in his foggy mind clicked.

With a few long strides, he covered the distance between them.

I knew what was about to happen. So I hurriedly rushed forward.

Alas. I was too late.

He raised a greedy hand and felt Kate’s behind.

Alarmed, she turned. She saw me in the middle and pieced together what had just happened.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I confronted him, angrily.

“I…I thought she was my friend.” came his meek reply.

“Bullshit! I saw the way you were looking at her! Who does that to a friend anyway?” I was livid.

“Karan, let it go.” Kate’s gentle Glaswegian lilt interrupted us.

“What do you mean?! You know what he did to you.” my anger giving way to confusion.

“It’s okay. It’s happened before. I don’t want Harry to know.” she said, defeatedly.

With that, Kate dragged me away before it was about to become physical.

“How is – how was that okay?!” I demanded to know, mere feet away from the perpetrator.

“You’ve seen Harry, he’s not one to fight. I’d rather just avoid him knowing, you know what I mean?” explained Kate.

“I’m not one to pick fights either, Kate. But I will fight for what’s right. And that wasn’t cool.”

“I know. But please just don’t tell him. I don’t want to ruin our holiday.” she finished.

I’d never experienced this over the past 5 years of clubbing. Probably because I was too focused on dancing.

It dawned on me that I was massively unaware of the numerous issues women have to endure each time they go out.

22nd August 2018, 4:22 AM. I sampled the music in the smaller room but it wasn’t for me.

I turned to my friends, who were arguing. Harry wasn’t feeling the music, so he decided to step out for a smoke. He handed his drink to Kate and left the dancefloor.

Soon after, the music began to pick up again. So did the mood.

Just as I was processing all this, Kate was sexually harassed again. Twice, in the span of thirty minutes.

A clumsy man dressed in black suddenly sidled up to and started grinding against her.

She couldn’t do much to fend him off but move away, as her hands were occupied with two drinks.

He continued to awkwardly inch close.

I moved forward and pushed him away, poking him in his temple.

Righting himself, he looked me in my eyes.

“Are you crazy? What the fuck is wrong with you!” I bellowed.

I stood toe-to-toe with him. I could smell his breath, and it reeked of liquor.

The vulture tried to respond, but all it could manage was some intoxicated gibberish.

“What made you think you could do that to me?” asked Kate, too kindly for my liking.

This glassy-eyed creep could barely stand.

I knew we wouldn’t get anything out of him. We decided to leave and look for Harry in the lounge.

“Argh! What the fuck is wrong with men! Why are we like this?!” I shouted at the sky.

“Tonight’s been alright. I’ve seen worse.” said Kate, matter-of-factly.

“Are you okay?” I enquired, putting my arm around her shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I won’t let a few arseholes ruin my night. I’m Scottish, innit.” smiled Kate.

I gave her a tight squeeze, appreciating her effort to lighten the mood.

22nd August 2018, 5:15 AM. We eventually found Harry sitting by himself, having a smoke next to some lonely plants.

We left the club soon after to make the long but lovely walk back to our respective homes.

The time had finally come to part.

Even though I hadn’t connected with Harry as I had with Kate, his company was welcome.

I bade goodbye, wishing him the best.

I turned to Kate. We embraced, unsure as to when we’d see each other again.

“Katey. Mate. I’m gonna miss you so much!”

“I’ll miss you too. Come visit us in Glasgow! I’ll take you to Subby. It’s always a cracking night out!” she said, with a hearty grin.

“One day. Until then, take care of yourself. Try and stay out of trouble, can ya?” I teased her.

“Thank you so much for everything, tonight. I appreciate it.” she said, lowering her voice an octave.

And with that, we headed our separate ways.

22nd August 2018, 7:23 AM. After raving in the dark all night, what could we do but squint by day?

I turned one final time to look back at them.

Kate looked back too. And gave me a flying kiss.

I cheerfully waved back with a peace sign. Then faced the road ahead of me, bathed in sunlight.

Bucharest’s streets were abuzz with activity. The capital’s workforce had stirred a while ago.

I walked and walked. Putting one foot in front of the other. I knew the way. But just as night had turned to day, the scenes were still raw in my mind.

I searched within myself for meaning. I knew that tonight would permanently stick with me, just as that first guy’s hand did to Kate.

Or how that second guy wouldn’t leave her alone.

As I write this, DVS1’s piercing ‘Black Russian‘ plays on repeat.

And I am filled with a white-hot rage.

What if tonight, instead of Kate, it was my sister?

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution to curb sexual harassment. If it doesn’t take place as blatantly as it did in this story, you can bet women are still being groped as they navigate through a rowdy dancefloor or milling crowd.

That said, here’s what you (as a man) can do to combat sexual harassment on the dancefloor.

First off, if you get a little too horny for your own good – for God’s sake, go easy on the drink, man.

Keep checking with your female friends to see if they’re fine. It doesn’t hurt to ask because sometimes, women can keep mum about it.
The above doesn’t just apply to your friends. When taking a break from dancing, look around and see how the women around you are doing.
If you spot something ugly, step in. It doesn’t matter how much bigger the other guy is. Man up. You’d be surprised how many bigger guys I’ve taken on, armed with nothing but a level-head and street smarts. Sometimes, all it takes is a well-placed quip to diffuse a tense situation.
Can’t do anything? Immediately raise the alarm. If security does not listen, speak to the promoter. If that falls on deaf ears too, speak to the DJ. Stop the party if you must. But don’t let that man get away. Because then he’ll do it again. And again. Giving him an arrogant air of invincibility.

Last but not least. Don’t be a creep.

Although if that’s just who you are, reading this probably won’t change your behaviour.

22nd August 2018, 8:32 AM. The first rays of sun after the rave are the hottest. But they’re also the ones that build the most character.

Finding My Sense of Self On The Dancefloor

Life. Camera. Karan.

Boiler Room. Berlin.

Those three words are probably my favourite phrase in club culture.

For the uninitiated, Boiler Room is a party that started in 2010 which broadcasts underground, mostly electronic musicians to the world.

It began when English DJ, radio host and presenter Thristian Richards got home from a night out.

He wasn’t ready to hit the sack just yet.

So he called his friend Blaise over, invited a few of their close friends and threw a party in an abandoned warehouse in London – in the boiler room.

Except.

They live-streamed it using Ustream, a company now owned by IBM.

Boiler Room came into existence as an intimate gathering of music and fun.

But it’s exploded over the past 8 years, capturing the imaginations and envy of millions of people around the world.

Why envy?

Because…

View original post 1,299 more words

Finding My Sense of Self On The Dancefloor

Boiler Room. Berlin.

Those three words are probably my favourite phrase in club culture.

For the uninitiated, Boiler Room is a party that started in 2010 which broadcasts underground, mostly electronic musicians to the world.

It began when English DJ, radio host and presenter Thristian Richards got home from a night out.

He wasn’t ready to hit the sack just yet.

So he called his friend Blaise over, invited a few of their close friends and threw a party in an abandoned warehouse in London – in the boiler room.

Except.

They live-streamed it using Ustream, a company now owned by IBM.

Boiler Room came into existence as an intimate gathering of music and fun.

But it’s exploded over the past 8 years, capturing the imaginations and envy of millions of people around the world.

Why envy?

Because everybody wants their 15-minutes of fame. Remember Andy Warhol’s declaration?

27th January 2017. My first Boiler Room. Their first Middle Eastern showcase. I partied with my best friend in a parking lot, grooving to Analog Room homeboy Nasrawi’s funky tunes, Nosaj Thing and Ryan Hemsworth.

He said that 51 years ago, in 1968. We’re almost in 2019.

The future is now. And it scares me.

We’re facing a host of major problems. I’ll name four: political unrest, poverty, lack of education and war.

Then, there’s one nagging problem that shouldn’t exist in the first place.

Misogyny.

It’s everywhere. Sometimes, hiding in plain sight. It’s also a topic I can write about in detail in another blog.

For now, back to the Boiler Room. Where I saw something that shook me to my core.

Boiler Room is the epitome of cool. You could be dancing next to superstar DJ Carl Cox in a private villa in Ibiza, or sweating it out in an airplane-hangar in a forest outside Amsterdam.

Incidentally, I make an appearance in that second Boiler Room. If you love techno as much as me, then I highly recommend you watch the entire set.

Or, if you’d like to see an overexcited dude that refuses to grow up, wearing a pineapple-covered shirt and unabashedly supporting his favourite DJ, click here.

I insist you watch that 45-second clip, it’s the last minute of the same set.

Did you spot me? I’m in the bottom-left, shaking my head in disbelief. Wondering how I found myself there, raving to Charles Duff’s alias Matrixxman’s signature spellbinding acid.

Towards the end, Boiler Room host Michail Stangl aka Opium Hum proclaims that in 2025, this will be the set that inspires young producers to pick up electronic music production.

That’s precisely when I can’t contain my excitement any longer and cheer in delight.

Strange statement, you would think. But then, my first true nightclub experience was in Lancaster, a place that was instrumental in shaping me into the person I’ve become today.

Since then I’ve been on dancefloors in Dubai, New Delhi, Mumbai, Goa, New York, London, Manchester, Paris, Prague, Budapest, Amsterdam, Berlin, Yerevan, Plovdiv, Bucharest and more.

4th August 2018. Day 2 of Dekmantel Festival. RBMA graduate Palms Trax (Jay Donaldson) delivered a feel-good set that capped off a wonderful day of music and new friends. How I wish I could go back to the time spent dancing on tables…

They’re strange because you may see a person every weekend on the same spot for months, yet never speak.

If you do, it’s the customary “Hey! How’s it going?” before you can’t hear each other, and settle for speaking at the end of the night. Which usually doesn’t happen.

On the other hand, they’re beautiful because you might experience a life-changing revelation, meet your significant other or become life-long friends with someone that affects your worldview for the better.

To show you what I mean, I’d like you to watch another Boiler Room clip. This one’s from Berlin, a city I will endeavour to move to.

Now while this does not contain explicit graphic content – it was painful for me to watch.

This is the clip in question.

Did you watch it? Please do. What I’m about to say won’t make sense if you don’t watch what happened.

Now. You would have noticed the girl in purple to the right of your screen, losing herself to the music.

She tells him to back off. He laughs mischievously, almost arrogantly. If you continue to watch for the next two minutes, you’ll notice he makes another unsolicited move, invading her personal space and trying to lay claim to her body.

As the beat slows down and shifts to a repetitive, somewhat sinister vocal sample, you can see the carnal thirst in his eyes. He leers at her like a piece of meat, breathing uncomfortably on the nape of her neck.

I can only imagine what’s going on in this predator’s head. And I fear what might have happened if they were on a deserted street at night, minus the safety that numbers can offer.

And this is only what was caught on camera.

Who knows what else occurred that night? Were there any other women tormented by a man that couldn’t keep his hands to himself?

I haven’t directed you to minute ’55 when the perpetrator first appears on the scene.

The girl in the purple dress engages him – as I would expect her to – she seems nice, dancing happily and having the time of her life.

But as you’ll continue to watch, the next few minutes paint a vile but true picture of club culture. An ugly picture that we often relegate to the shadows.

I’ve spent countless nights on dancefloors. Not one of them has been uneventful.

Whether listening to a set that left me speechless, getting carried away with vices and partying for days on end – I wouldn’t change a thing.

That’s because, and I say this again: they’ve made me who I am.

Here are a few aspects of my life that have improved because of going to clubs:

Time management – whether at a festival or club, tough choices have to be made. Do you spend an hour dancing to DVS1’s dark, twisted techno or Dixon’s uplifting deep house?
Leadership abilities – I’ve handled a ragtag bunch of characters on many a night out. This stuff is not a drill. As with any job, experience is the best teacher.
Discipline – I don’t drink in clubs anymore. When I used to, I had to decide: do I drink one more G&T now and risk a hangover tomorrow? Similarly, I’ve now learnt when to cut my losses on a bad night and leave, rather than stay and hope it improves.
Enjoying the moment – in a world full of notifications, being mindful of the present moment has often served me to great effect.
Social skills – honing the art of conversation; reading body language; being kind and empathetic, and understanding personal space are just four things that come to mind.

This night took place on my 25th birthday, irrevocably affecting and consequently changing me. It gave me a mission. One I want to dedicate my life towards.

You can read about it in my next post, which will be a gonzo style account involving a Scottish couple and how we danced until the sun rose. Keep your eyes peeled.

3rd August 2018. Day 1 of Dekmantel Festival. Life-lessons from the best: Matrixxman (Charles Duff) has been a massive inspiration. Hardworking, funny, humble and bold, every creative should take a leaf out of this brilliant dude’s book.

Counting the days until Dekmantel Festival

“I’m afraid it’s not looking good, Aziz.” said the good doctor, with a troubled look on his face.

“Wha-what do you mean, doc?” came the nervous reply.

“You haven’t got long.”

An awkward pause followed. The tension was palpable.

“How long do I have?” whimpered Aziz.

“10.” he said, with an air of finality.

“Ten? Ten what?! Years? Months? Weeks?” pleaded Aziz.

“10.”

“9…8…7…6…5…”

Have you heard this joke? I can’t seem to recall when or where I first did.

We know what’s coming for Aziz. And yet, as we hear the doctor counting down the seconds, we sense a nervous excitement in the air.

Hang on. That’s just me finding excitement in Aziz’s plight. Not you.

For the past 7 months, I’ve been doing a daily countdown of my own. And there’s nothing macabre about what I’m looking forward to.

I’m ecstatic to say that in 2 weeks, I will be attending Dekmantel, my first international music festival!

I fell in love with music festivals last year, when I attended my first major one called Magnetic Fields. I will write about that experience another time. For now, read on to find out why I’m buzzing about Dekmantel!

Dekmantel-Soundsystem-Pressphoto-1-by-Sophie-van-der-Perre

Meet Casper Tielrooij and Thomas Martojo.

Let me take you back to the basics and give you a background of the Dekmantel brand. Casper and Thomas were childhood friends who grew up in The Hague, The Netherlands’ third largest city. They had a burning passion for electronic music and took the train to Amsterdam every other weekend to explore the capital’s booming techno scene.

Over time, they started hosting parties, inviting close friends to spin tunes. What started out as intimate gigs in small clubs under the ‘Dekmantel’ name, became bigger as word began to spread.

Realising it wouldn’t be sustainable to stick to their preferred nightclubs, Thomas and Casper met the demands of an expanding crowd by moving to larger venues.

They launched their eponymous record label soon after, which turned out to be a winning move. Unsurprisingly, the Dudes from Den Haag had developed a keen ear and distinctive taste for dance music.

Following this, the next natural step in Dekmantel’s steady success story was to create their own festival – which they launched in the summer of 2013.

The first edition of Dekmantel Festival was held in the lush and scenic Amsterdamse Bos (Amsterdam Forest).

The Selectors Stage. I’m particularly excited to watch Lena Willikens perform. Her sets are equally trippy as they are dancey. Shot by Duncan Jacob.

Ever since then, this annual event – a spectacular showcase of the who’s who of electronic music – has called this magical setting its home. Incidentally, the Amsterdamse Bos is three times the size of New York’s Central Park, and the largest city park in Europe.

Complementing this picturesque location is Thomas and Casper’s belief in giving rising stars the chance to shine alongside well-established names. To put things in perspective, typical festival promoter logic is to book the biggest names to sell tickets.

But these guys? They would never do that. It goes against their ethos: which is to share good music, period.

They’ve gone against the grain, repeatedly exceeded expectations, and mastered the delicate balancing act of growing without losing their sense of identity.

Another fact I’m pleased to share is that Dekmantel Festival is capped at 10,000 attendees. Which might seem daunting, but this number represents a medium-sized festival. Enforcing this rule year in, year out ensures that the vibe is intimate yet incredible.

As friends who went from ravers, to promoters, to record label owners, to festival founders, to selectors (they DJ as Dekmantel Soundsystem), the duo understand the elemental aspects of club and dance culture.

Pitchfork have dubbed it “the festival that might ruin other festivals”. Better still, others have declared it “your favorite DJ’s favorite music festival”.

ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, I AM IN FOR A TREAT.

Techno titan Jeff Mills conducting the Main Stage with élan. Shot by Bart Heemskerk.

This year’s edition will be held from 1 – 5 August. The first two days offer a curious medley of live electronic and jazz acts, with the remaining three (3 – 5 August) presenting an enviable lineup of dance music’s finest DJs. I’m attending the latter half of the programme.

It’s funny to think that at one point, I felt much like poor Aziz; anxious and stressed. And that’s because I didn’t know if I would be going.

To cut a long story short, I faced several hiccups when applying for my Schengen visa. When I finally received it,

ON A RELATED NOTE, I MADE AN INSTAGRAM STORY THE OTHER DAY, WHERE I TALKED ABOUT HOW EXCITED I AM FOR DEKMANTEL FESTIVAL TO KICK OFF. IF YOU TUNED IN, YOU’LL KNOW THAT ‘EXCITED’ IS UNDERSTATING IT.

I rarely use the ‘Stories’ feature. Mostly because I feel like I don’t have anything valuable to add to the colossal social media space.

Which is absurd, if you think about it. ‘Valuable’, especially when viewed through a social media lens, is relative.

Different strokes for different folks, eh?

Here’s an example. Check out this photo.

Dekmantel’s Main Stage. I recently discovered my new favorite DJ and producer, Shanti Celeste. Stoked to know she’s one of the first to open the proceedings. Shot by Duncan Jacob.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

ALL I SEE IS SHEER UNADULTERATED BLISS. HERE’S WHY.

Music. There’s an incredibly passionate artist on stage, and they’re pleased to provide the soundtrack to a beautiful, sunny day in Amsterdam. You can dance like no-one’s watching because everyone’s there for the same reason as you – to appreciate music.
People. Oh God, this wonderful crowd. Teeming with energy. Hailing from all across the world. You meet a stranger on day 1 of the festival. By day 3, you’re swapping cool stories over a Lucky Strike. At the bar is a cute girl who wants to give you a hug. No, wait, she just wants your water. She gives you a hug anyway. Wide smiles plastered across lovely, happy faces, everywhere you look. The energy is infectious. And man, do I love it!
Hedonism. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’d know that Amsterdam has a thriving night-time culture. Without giving too much away, let’s leave it at this: I’ve always been a mischievous child, and love having a fucking good time.

Those are just three reasons justifying why I will travel to another country to attend a music festival. I could go on.

You may not see the sense in my behavior. My parents certainly don’t!

The calm before the storm

5:54 AM. 21 August 2017. Predawn photo outside my Airbnb in Arugam Bay, Sri Lanka. Celebrating my 24th year of being alive alongside my best friend, Anmol.

Warhol said it right.

I hope I’ve made my case for how excited I am for Dekmantel Festival.

If you’d like to board my hype train, follow my Instagram, (the link is not functional because I have paused my music vlogging for the foreseeable future – I’m not sure if I will return) where you can see my daily countdown in action. I also post the occasional Story, which is always a bonus; my mum says I’m devilishly handsome. Oh, mums! Aren’t they the best? What would we do without them.

More to the point, I wonder if in 3 weeks I’ll be questioning if there’s life after Dekmantel.

Only time will tell. Until then.

Here’s to good times, good music, good places, and good people.

Looking forward to an Amsterdam good time. Shot by Duncan Jacob. Cover photo by Bart Heemskerk.

Love, love, love.

…the hedonism, vibe, and escapism that only a music festival can offer;

the taste of a juicy, mouth-wateringly grilled burger with just the right amount of cheese;

writing something that puts a smile on someone’s face, or better still, makes one think;

the sense of achievement that comes after a physically and mentally gruelling trek;

getting lost in a video game;

people watching;

an adrenaline rush;

reading an unputdownable book;

a glass of cold water after a long day;

a good night’s sleep;

an underdog story;

Monopoly;

to sit on the window seat of an airplane and watch as things get smaller;

dunking chocolate chip cookies in warm milk;

long hugs;

dance music and club culture;

fast cars and empty roads with no radars;

plugging in my earphones and running until I experience a high;

a simple life;

making new friends;

greeting cards;

the English language;

flirting;

avocado on my Subway sandwich;

admiring art in museums;

road trips filled with laughs, good music and camaraderie;

crow’s feet;

novelty;

vibrant colours that pop, crackle and snap;

observing the night sky and watching the stars shine brightly;

watching the sunrise after raving all night long;

my family;

Urban Dictionary;

finding a coin on the street and claiming it as my own;

cleanliness;

a beautiful mess;

a reunion with good friends;

chocolate milk;

planning my next getaway;

making out with a cute girl;

cracking all kinds of jokes, from side-splitting to downright rude;

a sense of calm;

yelling ‘boo’ at people as they turn a corner and cracking up at their shocked face;

to spell a tricky word right the first time;

dogs so very much and would love my own one day;

being a clown and pulling silly faces;

exchanging banter in a rowdy bar;

watching my friends express themselves creatively;

psychology and anthropology;

when my car shimmers gloriously after a good wash;

adventure;

staying in hostels when I travel to new lands;

discovering an unheard-of house or techno track that I can’t help but nod along to;

finding an amusing Tinder profile and debating whether to use my rare ‘Super Like’;

attractive design;

having a fucking great time;

being the center of attention;

time spent by myself;

tears of joy;

bacon;

dozing in a snug sleeping bag;

Polaroid photographs;

places that teem with energy;

spontaneity;

goosebumps;

being reminded of a memory that I forgot about;

integrity;

the smell of my yellow Lacoste perfume which takes me back to Hawaii;

Pokemon;

feminism;

smiles that extend all the way to the eyes;

the flow state I get into as I think of what to write next;

rhymes, idioms, metaphors, alliterations, punctuation, and grammar;

the first shave with a new Gillette blade;

that my mother painstakingly prepares a fruit salad for me every day;

the contagiousness of positivity;

staying up all night to get lucky;

wearing funky tees and jeans;

dressing up in a smart shirt;

the English, South African, and French accents;

long Skype calls with my mates;

a spot of Karak chai;

going into the deepest recesses of my mind;

the immense potential that I still haven’t harnessed;

being alive;

but what I love most, is to love.

The doe in Malvern

Daybreak.

I stirred. And shifted to my side to check my phone, which revealed that it was 7:58 AM. Lying on the mattress, I looked around, examining the unfamiliar surroundings. A Tom Brady poster was plastered on the wall, over a bed where one of my younger cousins slumbered peacefully. Next to his bed was a shelf, adorned with ‘high-achiever’ certificates.

A somewhat tidy study table was placed adjacent to that. To my left, my other cousin, the tallest of the bunch, snored away.

“Carpe diem”, I thought, as I lifted myself off the mattress and reached for my jacket. Thinking better of it, I left it where it was, deciding instead to brave the elements. I tiptoed out of the room, careful not to wake my cousins.

Continue reading →

I’m Living Life Like Walter Mitty

In a manner of speaking.

Walter Mitty is a soft-spoken, awkward and timid man with a habit of daydreaming, and I…am not.

Walter Mitty also isn’t real. He’s a fictional character from the movie “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty”. Ben Stiller ably leads the charge as actor and director in this adaptation of James Thurber’s eponymous short story.

You already know what Walter Mitty is like. Here’s his story:

Mr. Mitty works as a negative asset manager at Life magazine. This means that he sifts through hundreds of negatives every day, in a dark, dank room. He’s good at his job; and does it without complaint. Walter has a secret crush on his colleague Cheryl Melhoff (played by Kristen Wiig) and frequently daydreams of fantastic scenarios where he saves her from trouble. Besides this, he works with celebrated photojournalist Sean O’Connell (brilliantly brought to life by Sean Penn).

One day, some big, bad corporate types decide that Life magazine will continue life online. It’s on this fateful day Walter receives two things from Sean:

Negatives of his latest work, some of his finest yet. Sean describes number 25 as “The Quintessence of Life”
A gift of a wallet, with Life’s motto inscribed inside with this note

Screen Shot 2017-11-14 at 11.00.18 PM.png

I still write handwritten notes.

Sean feels that negative #25 should be used as Life’s final cover photo. And as it turns out, #25 is missing.

Thus begins Sean’s journey to find it. Along the way, he finds someone else too…

I’m not going to get into a detailed review and spoil this beautiful movie for those who haven’t watched it yet. And boy, it is beautiful.

The casting is perfect, with everyone putting in a fine performance. I was pleasantly surprised to see Adam Scott play the office bully. I have fond memories of him as goody two shoes Ben Wyatt in the superb Parks and Recreation.

The writing is charming albeit predictable. Ultimately, stunning cinematography, a gorgeous soundtrack (this song narrowly lost out on an Oscar nod because of a mere technicality), a smattering of pop-culture references throughout and a feel-good story make The Secret Life of Walter Mitty a feel-great movie.

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Red pill/blue pill anyone?

Do yourself a solid and watch this gem. You deserve it.

Meanwhile, if you’ve read this far – you deserve to know how much you mean to me.

Yes! You. You might not have expected this, but I’ve written something about you.

Samantha. Happiest of birthdays to you! I love you. I’m so happy you’re my friend, and I can’t believe we’ve known each other for so long. Your vibrant energy on that phone call earlier today was infectious; I was beaming from ear-to-ear for the longest time after. This may sound strange, but it’s sometimes hard for me to believe you’re married. When did that happen? A year ago? Get outta here! And here’s one thing you should know: you’ve always been there for me. You’ve always had my back. So you’d best believe I’ll always be there for you. No matter what. I wish you all the love, luck, and happiness for the years ahead.

I remember breaking my ‘no selfie’ rule for this photo.

Avi. Dude! This is the second time you’ve made an appearance on one of my blogs. Off late, I’ve been thinking about that short film you told me about ages ago. A man walks into a bathroom, begins to shave his face and continues shaving until he begins to bleed. And then he keeps shaving. I think it was a Tarantino film – but it may have been Scorsese – my memory fails me. I’ve repeatedly told you how much you’ve inspired me. Sometimes, it amazes me to think how fast we’ve grown up into the men(?) we are today. I can’t thank you enough for all the kindness you’ve shown me as my oldest friend, and hope to one day collaborate with you and create a badass film. One day.

I might not say this as much as I used to, but I miss you, man!

Anmol. So. Many. Adventures. To think we’ve become (best?) friends through music is, for me, marvelous. I’ve said what I had to in that card. For everything else, wait for my Sri Lanka blog. It will be worth it. Here’s to more adventures. And a possible music venture, too.

Team Milo.

Kim. Gezellig. That’s what I feel when I’m in your company. I’ve always felt that my uncontrolled happiness, my bucketloads of positivity needs a like-minded person to share that feeling with. And that person is you. I miss you, and I miss your vibe so much! Your sense of happiness, excitement, and fun is contagious. Your decision to take a sabbatical from your job struck me as brave. And guess what? Watching you document your escapades, and sharing them through video has inspired me to get a GoPro of my own. I’m overjoyed to say that I’ve experienced two of the most humbling experiences of my life so far with you. I won’t mention what they are. It’s taking me ages to finish my Sri Lanka blog (I know, I know!) but I hope that once it’s done, you’ll have a memento to treasure forever. I hope to see you in The Hague next year, where we’ll create new memories and go on plenty more unforgettable adventures.

Happy eyes and massive smiles on my 24th. Ik mis je Kimmy!

Paul. You know what the hardest part was about writing your section? Choosing the happiest photo to go with it; we’ve clicked so many! Paul, I fucking miss you, man. I still remember you saying how you were in Adelaide on a Thursday, never in your wildest dreams expecting to end up in -2° temperatures on a Friday, in Dubai! And never did I expect to do all the things we did in just three 3 days. Your presence emanates sheer positivity, and each time I look back at how we ended up becoming friends – I’m left shaking my head and chuckling to myself. I’m so glad to have you in my life. And can’t wait to experience a bush doof or two Down Under. I have so much more to say. Our blog is coming your way, I promise.

We like big balls and we cannot lie.

Carolina. This ancient photo is proof enough that you and I need to meet! If there were a human personification of sunshine, it would be you, Carola. You always manage to put a smile on my face by simply being you, and I love you for that. Do you want to know why I haven’t replied to your voice notes? It’s because I’ve been working on this for the past three nights! Here’s another fun fact – this entire blog post was inspired by your voice! I’m not kidding! Hearing your voice put an instant spring in my step and made me realize that I had to express my love for all the near and dear ones in my life. I may have veered off on a tangent in between, but I hope you could make sense of what I tried to express. You bring me nothing but joy, and I wish you stay happy always. I’m beyond proud of you for securing the job you’ve wanted and living independently. I can’t wait until Luxembourg/Bulgaria. It’s going to be a blast.

To more photos, and more beer pong!

Aleksander. Love. Happiness. Peace. Freedom. Energy. Laughter. Adventure. A lovely range of emotions that I feel when I’m with you. You are my brother from another mother, dude. It’s funny, for all the love I have for you – I can’t seem to remember how we met. But we clicked instantly. That, I remember. And how we can always pick up from where we last left off, even if that happened to be a year ago. Our reunion draws closer with each passing day. I’m counting on you to put your ever-improving skills to use, and capture some awesome photos of us!

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To think that this photo is over 3 years old, wow. I wish you had stayed for the Extrav!

Namrata. I’d have to scour Facebook to find a photo of the two of us, yet it wouldn’t be a fair representation since I don’t want to look back at my lanky, awkward 13-year-old self! So, I’ll have to let my words do the talking. I’m proud of you. I’m happy for you. And I’m cheering for you. It’s funny that I should feel this way even if we haven’t met in over a decade. But your story, your character, and most especially your writing, manages to motivate me from roughly 2,200 kilometers away. I hope to one day follow in your footsteps and start writing independently, though I know your passion lies elsewhere. I’d like to thank you for being a constant source of inspiration, and hope to see you at Magnetic Fields!

Sharan. Why, hello! You may be a small town girl, but you’ve had a massive impact on how I think and feel each time I read your blogs. I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again: your writing is like a midsummer’s breeze; simple and clean, leaving me refreshed, happier and at ease. Thank you so much for starting your blog. I hope to read more from you soon. It’s been quite some time since my inbox has received a mail from you, and it’s hungry for more!

Oscar. When I launched my blog, I remember checking my notifications and noticed that you had ‘liked’ my post. Curious, I checked your blog out. And it was love at first sight. No jokes. I’ll be brutally honest here and say that I binged on your pithy, powerful and perennially good writing. Do you recall a few days ago, when I said I’d post on my blog? It’s been a long time coming, but this post has been largely inspired by two of my best friends – and you. It may sound strange to hear me say that you’re in the same company as my friends, but I feel connected to you through your writing. I remember you saying that writing is cathartic to you. I definitely feel the same way. Thank you for putting your work into the world. And I hope that Sanctuary Now becomes a bestseller. My best wishes are with you.

Endings are tough.

And bringing an end to this blog is no different. This is because (as is usually the case) I’m itching to tell you so many incredible stories.

Initially, I set out to write something else entirely. The tone of that blog was quite ghastly until my friends served as my muse. That in turn helped me write this: a letter expressing my gratitude to all the lovely people in my life at the moment.

Much like Mr. Mitty, I’ve been living life to the full over the past 4 months. But I’ll touch on this in another post.

For now, I hope to find myself through blogging. Writing for an audience is scarier than writing in my journal.

With that said, I want you to rip me to shreds. Bombard me with criticism. Tell me how this made you feel. I’m my harshest critic, but I want different perspectives too. On a related note, subscribing to my blog would mean the world to me.

Finishing this post has been my greatest achievement this week by a country mile. Even Walter Mitty would be proud.

Allow me to explain.

Where do I even begin?

After a nightmarish two months, where I fell into a bleak rut, I decided to let it all out in three posts which you can find here, here and here.

Losing this figurative weight also meant a great deal to me in a literal sense; my shoulders have been troubling me for the past five months.

I shared my blog on Facebook, the largest social media network in the world. Exhausted, I passed out on my bed at 7AM.

Surprisingly I woke up quite refreshed. If it is one thing I cannot function properly without, it is my eight-hour man nap. ‘Beauty sleep’ is too mainstream. The other is food. If I don’t eat on time, I become unreasonable and irascible. Not unlike an angry green monster that once smashed a puny God’s sorry ass. Remember that scene? He completely stole the show!

Lack of food and/or sleep transforms me into The Hulk.

My day passed uneventfully. A few people got in touch with me over WhatsApp saying they had read my blog. Some messages were especially supportive. Belatedly, I realized I had not proofread before posting! Horrified, I logged in and read all three posts, searching for any potential mistakes. Working on just five hours of sleep was not doing me any favors.

It became apparent pretty soon that I had made some glaring errors: there was unnecessary punctuation, I had repeated a few sentences and some passages seemed to lack a decent flow. Admittedly, I had brought this upon myself. Most of these errors were present in Part 3 of Today I Write. This wasn’t surprising considering that I had been working throughout the night. Whilst writing Part 3, my energy levels were waning. Besides this, I was eager to fill up the white space on my laptop with thoughts (and not just words, mind you.) I just wanted to release all of the negativity that was festering within me for the past two months.

I was upset. You see, when it comes to writing, I hold myself to a high standard. I’m not the best writer. What I lack in style, I make up for in soul. I shoot from the heart and infuse as much character as I can into my words.

Having said that, it was not easy to write my first three posts. I want to make this very clear to anyone reading this. The past two months have been one big downward spiral.

The answers were obvious, but I was soon struck with a paralyzing discovery. Writer’s block is a real thing.

Question: What was holding me back?

Answer: Fear.

When I started writing Part 1, I had just begun to find my feet, so to speak. I tried my best not to make the journey (from September 2014 to May 2015) seem like a tragedy. If anything, I wanted it to be a delicately woven narrative that would simultaneously give me closure, free myself from the web of doubts that I had cast over myself, and explain to people why I needed some space. By the time I finished writing Part 3, I had certainly received this aforementioned closure.

Every writer has got their own ritual. For me it goes something like this:

Starting is the hardest part. I procrastinate for about 10-15 minutes, scribble some sentences on a notepad until I settle on an angle.
Once I begin to write, I try to weave in (pop-culture) references. This usually applies when I write creatively.
I always aim to finish my article in one go. I hate being interrupted in the middle or having to abandon my effort and later resume from where I left off.
After finishing the first draft, I read it out aloud to see if it makes sense.
Then I save my work and do not look at it until the next day.
Following a night’s sleep, I proofread and then post.

With all three parts of Today I Write, I skipped all steps except for number three! Without a doubt, it was an emotionally charged outburst that I badly needed to release.

I could write about the mundane things that happen to me every day. For instance, I had my third physio session for my shoulders yesterday. It was nothing great. If anything, the pain has worsened and now spread towards my back!

I had just stepped into the ward.

“Good morning, Nada! How are you doing?” I greeted her cheerfully.

“I’m well, how are you?” she replied.

“I’m good. Actually no, wait, I’m doing great!” I said enthusiastically.

“I’m pleased to hear that. Has the pain in your shoulders improved?” she asked.

“Not really, it has actually worsened. But it’s fine, I feel more positive about everything now.” I smiled.

“That’s the right attitude, Karan. Let’s begin…”

Firstly, I looked forward to this session with renewed hope. Secondly, this was the most I had conversed with Nada. Being naturally people-oriented, I usually get chatty with anyone within the first ten minutes of meeting them. In my previous state of mind, however, I was very reserved. Considering that she would be my caretaker for the next two months or so, the least I could do was warm towards her.

So that day I did. I asked her about her life. I asked her how long she had been living in Dubai. I asked her about her ambitions. I learned who she was as a person. At the end of the session, we had developed a connection, however small.

Whilst at Harvard, there was this American social psychologist by the name of Stanley Milgram, who conducted certain ‘small world’ experiments in the 1960’s. These experiments would later form the basis of this really cool theory called the six degrees of separation, although Milgram did not refer to it by this. You could theoretically, by means of six introductions or less, be connected to anyone in the world. How cool is that!

Facebook was founded in 2004 and originally known as The Facebook. (Cheers, Sean Parker!) It is a part of the very fabric of our lives and has blurred the lines between real and digital. It has encouraged us to share. It has made the world a more connected and intimate place. Unsurprisingly, it has also challenged the ‘small world’ theory. An article published by the social media giant noted that the number had shrunk from 6 to 4.74.

When I shared my blog on Facebook the other day, I was once again reminded of how small the world was. In spite of the fact that there remain a lot of global issues, dirty politics and unnecessary violence that should not exist, I was also reminded of another moving concept.

For the past three days, I cannot express how blessed I have felt. The amount of support I have received for writing about an issue that was plaguing me is quite frankly indescribable. For that, I want to thank you all!!! I realize that this is not enough and so I want to dedicate my next post to all those lovely people who reached out to me with messages of encouragement, support and advice. Stay tuned for that!

Now to round off, I realized I have veered off on several tangents. Selfish as it may seem, I wrote those first posts for myself. The inspiration to start Life. Camera. Karan. came at a point when I was quite unhappy. I possessed the sight, but I still needed some clear vision about where to go. Life. Camera. Karan. can be that guiding map.

My blog’s name is a play on the “Lights, camera, action!” cue. With respect to that, I can be the hero in my own movie. I know I may have to slay dragons and conquer demons, but in the end I want to save the world and ride off into the setting sun (with my princess sitting beside me!)

If I can write positive stories that inspire, educate, motivate and spread some smiles along the way, I would be extremely happy! That’s my aim.

As mentioned earlier, I have written in the past but it was only for myself. I’m still finding my ‘voice’ when it comes to writing, believe me. My blog is still in its infancy. What it is and what it can become, I do not know as yet. But I’m excited for what lies ahead.

The following quote by American author E. L. Doctorow perfectly sums up my feelings. “Writing is an exploration. You start from nothing and learn as you go.”

Eventually, I will branch out and cover things I am knowledgeable about or can form an educated opinion towards. This could potentially include topics like advertising, music, sport, pop culture and more.

Until then, stick around for my next post. I cannot wait to display my gratitude towards some very beautiful people!

Today I write (Part 3)

The conclusion. What could have gone so drastically wrong in just two months? If you’re missing the context, here are parts one and two.

After an exhilarating workout, I was sitting relaxed at home. I was back to my best in the gym! The only thing on my agenda was to write up a few final posts for Unicorn Foals, the intern blog that I was inspired to set up after Simon Attwater, the new Creative Director at DigitasLBi planted the seed in my head.

With respect to Saatchi & Saatchi, I was still awaiting their response. It had only been a week and so I didn’t contact them, thinking that I would appear too desperate. In a manner of speaking, I actually was just a little desperate. I only had five months left on my UAE residence visa. This meant that if I could not find employment in this time, I would be forced to leave the country.

After the TBWA catastrophe, I felt that things with Saatchi would automatically fall into place. Since I showed up a few hours too late for my TBWA interview, I had ensured to arrive at every interview with each Saatchi employee with at least ten minutes to spare.

A couple of weeks passed…

I began to grow uneasy. I wrote an email to the Client Services Director, expressing my enthusiasm and asked her when I could start. Let’s call her “S.”

No response.

I wrote another email with a more urgent tone.

There we go! Apparently there was some “delay in pitching for new business.” With all the extra work, S asked me if I was interested in an internship since they could use all the help they could get.

I replied in the affirmative. Meanwhile, my shoulder began to ache again. The pain seemed more ominous this time…

I was still agonisingly waiting for a response from Saatchi.

Frustrated, I decided to go for the jugular. I didn’t understand why they would keep me waiting!!! I called up their office and tried to speak to S. I couldn’t get a hold of her. Sometimes she wasn’t on her desk, sometimes she was in a meeting…

As my frustrations grew, my ability to even simply move my shoulder diminished. I felt tired and weak most of the time.

I wanted to get to the root of my shoulder issues. This pain had started all the way back in December; it was chronic now. Apart from chasing Saatchi side by side, here was another long and arduous process with the hospital that I had to undergo: it took nearly three weeks for them to approve an MRI scan for my right shoulder, where I faced the most pain.

The subsequent results showed that I was at an early stage of shoulder impingement. The doctor forbade me from any lifting. Physiotherapy was a best case solution. He said that if I did not respond well to the treatment, surgery would be the only way to go.

Meanwhile, the day finally came when I got to speak to S. The conversation was long but her tone was brusque. Saatchi could offer me an internship, but in all likelihood there would not be a job at the end of it. The message was clear – if I wanted to live in Dubai, I would have to seek my first job elsewhere. I was crestfallen.

A sense of déjà vu seemed to envelope me.

It was barely three months ago where I was in a similar position: my career and health goals were going nowhere.

And so, over these past few weeks I have found myself clutching at straws and seem to be trapped in a seemingly infinite circle of hopelessness once again.

The shaggy beard is back.

Dreadful thoughts seem to be the order of the day.

Not only do I feel useless, but I do not want to meet my friends or speak to anyone. I don’t want to be “that guy” with a sob story.

I cannot stop myself from eating absolute junk, which has consequently seen me pile on the pounds. Again.

I thought it would be like any other average day. I had my second physio session this morning. There isn’t any significant improvement to any of my shoulders. I still cannot move them freely. This afternoon, my mum had prepared lunch for me and left for some work. Still, I couldn’t stop myself from going out to a McDonald’s and picking up a McFlurry and their newest version of an apple pie (I still don’t know why I buy them.) I also picked up some fries whilst I was at it. After coming home, I ate everything, including the home-cooked food.

But you know what? I don’t feel quite so worthless anymore. It feels weird even typing this out, but I feel strangely content now.

I started typing my first post around 5PM. Roughly twelve hours later (it is 4:23AM up until this word) I feel liberated!

I met my friends just a couple of days ago but once again did not feel really happy as I laughed, was not mentally invested in any conversation and would have rather stayed back at home.

I’d like to think so.

Looking back at this past month and a half, I definitely did not see any reason to wake up. I would think absurd thoughts – some of which I don’t even have the courage to mention right now. I would look at myself in the mirror and see a face that I did not like to see.

Maybe I was too hard on myself. It’s only a job! And considering that I’m turning 22 in three months, I’ve definitely got time on my side. ~~If and~~ When my shoulders are fully healed, I will smash through all my gym goals. I know I will!

But 12 hours and 4400 words later, I feel much better. Maybe not to the point of how I am usually upbeat, but I definitely feel much better.

What’s funny is that Saatchi still haven’t actually reverted to me with a final answer! The last time me and S corresponded, she said she would write me an email if there was a place on the team.

I’m done waiting. ~~Maybe that’s what it was~~ THAT’S IT! Closure! This is what I’m feeling right now. I think I just had to let go of everything that I had been through.

I had already mentally prepared myself for this. The thing is, I had put all my eggs in the Saatchi basket. No regrets whatsoever. If Saatchi did not work out, I had decided that I would join my father in furthering his own business. It is not advertising, nor is it anything related. It is a completely different industry vertical.

However, I’m still going to be dogged in my dreams of making it big in the ad world.

And I guess that’s it!!! This post was only for me and I’m extremely proud that I have managed to adequately convey what was on my mind.

But first things first, I need a shave. My facial hair condition is questionable.